Captain N:

Metroid Sweet Metroid

Written by Jeffrey Scott

Novelized by David Hartline


The morning was bright at the tall Palace of Power.  Within this building, Simon Belmont was wearing a light blue overcoat with a blue tie and a dark red cap.  In his left hand, he held a small paint can with white paint, and in his right an artist’s paint brush.  “The art of good painting is all in the wrist,” the vampire hunter said.

Princess Lana stood before him with a paint roller that had a long handle.  Behind her was what was to be painted, a blue wall.  “Thanks for the advice, Simon,” she replied, “but we’re painting a wall, not a postage stamp.”

“A good artist has patience!”  As he spoke, Simon appeared to be dabbing little bits of paint onto the wall.  Of course, this method would take forever.

“Maybe,” Kevin said as he held a paint roller with a short handle, “but a good house painter has a roller.”  As the Game Master spoke, Kid Icarus flew up beside the wall and delivered a vertical strip of paint to the wall swiftly with his own roller.  After Kevin had finished speaking, Duke barked twice, picked up a can of paint by the handle, and brought it over to Kevin.  “Thanks, Duke.”  Kevin bent down and picked up the paint can.  “It’s time for some rockin’ and rollin’.”  He swung the bucket upwards, and some of the paint came up and out and splashed onto the wall.  Kevin then used his Power Pad to jump up to the glob of paint.  Using his Power Pad, he flew all over the wall, and with his roller, he distributed the paint in all directions until the wall was covered.  Lana, Kid Icarus, and Simon all watched as he did this.  He then landed beside Duke and the paint can and picked up the can again.  “We’re ready for the second coat,” he said.  He splashed more paint onto the wall, and he distributed it again as he had done before.  When Kevin had finished, Duke, who was holding the paint can in his teeth by the handle, walked over and sat down near Simon.

“Aw, that was terrificus!” Kid Icarus commented as Kevin landed.

“Hmph!” Simon said disdainfully.  “It may be fast, but where’s the joy of savoring each brushstroke and drop of paint?”  Duke turned around 180 degrees.  However, Simon stepped backwards carelessly, and his heel came down on the dog’s tail.  Surprised, the dog yapped and accidentally flung the paint can upwards.  As it flew in the air, the paint can spun from right-side up to upside down a few times, and when it came down on Simon’s head, it was upside down, and it dumped paint all over his head.

“I see what you mean about savoring every drop of paint, Simon,” Kevin said.

“Very funny!” the vampire hunter replied.  He was not amused.

Suddenly, Mega Man called from the throne room, which was adjacent to this hallway they were in.  “Your Highness, come quickly!” the android said urgently at the doorway.  “I’m picking up something mega amazing on the satellite monitor!”  As he ran back into the throne room, everyone else followed.  At the end was Simon, who was trying to get the paint can off his head.


At first, the monitor showed a small brown world that appeared to be split into two parts.  Mega Man zoomed in once on the part on the left, which had some crater that had a yellow glow inside.  He zoomed in even more, and a hilly surface covered with beautiful flowers appeared.  “What’s the big deal?” Lana asked.  “It’s just a warp world filled with beautiful flowers.”

“Not just any flowers, Your Highness,” Mega Man replied.  “Power flowers.  Here.  Let me run the tape back for you.”  He turned and aimed the remote control at the monitor and started playback.

When the tape began running, a blue warp was shown in the flower field, and a giant ruddy four-legged robot jumped through the warp.  On top of its back was a control room, occupied by King Hippo and, to Hippo’s left, Eggplant Wizard.  King Hippo appeared to be controlling the mechanical beast’s movements.  When the robot landed, it turned around.

“We’ve got to hurry King Hippo,” Eggy said.  “Metroid’s running out of energy.”  The robot stopped and began ‘eating’ the flowers.  As it did so, the two creeps laughed maniacally.  “And without these special power flowers, Mother Brain is powerless!”

“Yeah,” King Hippo replied, “and this is the only warp zone in Videoland where these flowers grow.”

Then the monitor turned off.  “Do you realize what this means?” Lana asked.

“Yeah!” Kevin said.  “If we can knock out Mother Brain’s source of power, she won’t be able to attack Videoland.”

“We’ve got to hurry if we’re going to get there before King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard finish loading the flowers,” Mega Man said urgently.


The N Team left and boarded the white Warp Wagon.  It was a sleek flying vehicle with a red N on the hood.  It had no roof.  Kevin sat in the left-hand pilot’s seat and Lana sat to his right.  In the back seat, Simon, Duke, Mega Man, and Kid Icarus were seated from right to left.  All had buckled their safety belts.  “Better buckle up, dudes,” Kevin said.  He held up his right thumb.  “I don’t have my driver’s license yet!”  Of course, he was just saying this to scare them.  He figured they probably didn’t have driver’s ed in Videoland, but he had taken that already in California and passed with flying colors.  Of course, he had never piloted for real before. . .

“You what!?” Simon demanded, leaping half out of his seat.  Kevin took off with fast acceleration, and Simon was nearly forced backwards out of his seat because he wasn’t hanging on.  “Yow!!” he cried as Kevin climbed up to the warp to the flower world.  He was alarmed by Kevin’s speed and maneuvering, but Kevin was simply new to the accelerator and steering wheel of a flying vehicle, and it would take him a little while to adapt to these.  “He’s going to mash us into wallpaper paint!”  However, Kevin steered them directly into the warp.


In the flower world, the giant robot was still eating up flowers.  “We’re almost full,” King Hippo said.

“Good,” Eggplant Wizard said.  “Mother Brain will be running out of power any minute now.”

Suddenly, up in the air, a blue warp from the Palace of Power opened, and the Warp Wagon came through it.  Kevin steered it downwards in search of the two flower pilferers.  Though Kevin seemed to be piloting just fine now, Simon appeared scared.  “Hey!” Lana said, spotting Eggplant and Hippo.  She pointed down to her right for Kevin.  “There they are!”  Kevin steered down to them.

King Hippo looked up and saw the heroes.  “It’s the N Team!” he said.  “You know what to do.”

“Right,” Eggplant Wizard replied.  “Activating Strawberry Jammers!”  He pressed the red button marked ‘Strawberry Jammers’, and a cannon popped out of the left side of the robot.  It fired a huge glob of strawberry jam that covered the hood of the Warp Wagon.

Attempting to take control of the situation, Simon got up.  “I’ll take the controls now,” he said heroically.  Kevin didn’t want to argue, so he moved to his left, and Simon leaned over the back of the benchlike front seat and took the wheel.  However, the wheel wouldn’t move much.  “The controls are. . .”  Suddenly, a squirt of strawberry jam came through the control panel and coated his face.  “Hm.  Jammed!”  Amused, Lana smiled.

Suddenly, the giant robot leapt into the air towards the Warp Wagon.  “Now, I’ll get ’em with my peanut butter blasters,” Eggy said, operating some controls, “and they’ll be peanut butter and jam!  Hoo, hoo, hoo!”  A cannon popped out of the back of the robot in front of the control center.  On the side of this cannon were the words ‘Big Jif’.  This cannon fired globs of peanut butter at the N Team.

One glob hit the Warp Wagon dead on.  “We’re mega doomed,” Mega Man said fatalistically.

“Not yet,” Kevin said with determination.  He moved his right hand to his Power Pad and hit his pause button.  “Pause!”  Time froze on everything except for him.  “This better work.”  He unfastened his safety belt, hopped out, and crossed several globs of peanut butter to a large one aimed directly at the Warp Wagon.  He turned this large one around, pointing it back at the robot of Mother Brain’s stooges.  Then, he leaped back into his seat in the Warp Wagon.  He was prepared for the pause to end, and when it did, he brought the wagon back upwards.  However, Eggy and Hippo screamed when they saw the big glob of peanut butter heading back at them!  Eggy grabbed onto his partner in crime and popped out potatoes, turnips, cauliflower, tomatoes, and a cucumber.  When the peanut butter hit the robot, the two ejected from the robot.  While the robot spiraled to the ground and crashed, Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo were safely descending to the ground in parachutes.

Meanwhile, all the N Teamsters were happy, except for Simon.  “He did it!” Mega Man cried happily, popping up and rubbing Kevin’s head with his left hand.

“Way to go, Kevinicus!” Kid Icarus said, his right hand on Kevin’s left shoulder.  Kevin looked back over his left shoulder at the archer.  Lana turned and smiled at Kevin.

Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo landed on the ground uncertainly, and they got all entangled in their parachutes.  The two scrambled to get out from underneath their chutes.  “Wah!” Eggy cried.  “Watch where you’re stepping!  That’s my nose!”

“Hey!” Hippo said.  “Get your leg out of my belly button!”  Side by side and belly down on the ground, they simultaneously lifted King Hippo’s chute over their heads, and looked up to see tennis shoes, then blue jeans, and then the barrel of a Zapper aimed straight at them.

“Wah!” Eggplant Wizard cried, getting up.  Tears were popping out of his eye.  “Don’t shoot!”  He pulled out a photo and showed it to Kevin, and it showed a red eggplant in a blue robe.  Her left hand was on the left shoulder of an eggplant kid with lavender skin, a bandage on the left side of its body, and a toy sword in its right hand.  Her right hand was on the right shoulder of an eggplant kid with skin close to Eggplant Wizard’s color.  This one held a doll in its right hand and what appeared to be a red fish in its left hand.  “I have a wife and two baby eggplants at home!”  By now, King Hippo was standing to his friend’s left.

Kevin shrugged.  “Don’t worry.  I’m not going to fry any eggplant.  Just flowers!”  The two lackeys watched in shock as Kevin moved his Zapper to the purported power flowers spilling out of the wrecked robot and blew the flowers and the robot away with one single laser blast.  When the robot’s explosion was over and Eggy and Hippo had ceased shielding their eyes from the glare, Kevin finished:  “Now, run back home to your Mother Inferior and tell her she just ran out of gas. . . permanently!!”

Suddenly, the ground began quaking loudly.  “What’s that noiseicus?” Kid Icarus asked.

“It’s the power flowers!” Mega Man cried.  “This place is about to mega blow!”  Kevin looked to his right and saw a volcano blow its top.

“Abandon warp zone!” King Hippo exclaimed.

“Women and eggplants first!” Eggplant said, and he and Hippo ran to the warp to Metroid.

“Kevin,” Lana called as Kevin was holstering his Zapper, “hurry!”  Kevin pressed a button on his Power Pad with his left index finger and jumped back into his seat in the wagon.

“Hang on,” Kevin said, preparing to take off.  He lifted the wagon off the ground.  Just then, Eggy and Hippo dove screaming into the warp to Metroid.  Just after they were through, the warp closed, and the ground beneath the warp began blowing up.


“No!” Mother Brain screamed just as her monitor deactivated.  “My power flowers!”  Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo slid in on their bellies through a warp that was in a hole in the wall.  They were halfway across the room before they stopped sliding.  She turned to them.  “You fools!  You’ve ruined everything!”  They got up.

King Hippo looked surprised.  “But I thought. . .”

Suddenly, Eggplant slapped his left hand over Hippo’s mouth.  “Shut up,” he said, “before you get us in real trouble!”

As Mother Brain was scowling at her lackeys, the image of Lana appeared in the viewscreen.  “It’s too late, Mother Brain,” Lana said, and Mother Brain turned in horror back to the monitor.  “Without your power flowers, you’re through threatening Videoland!”  Kevin and Mega Man, who were both naturally in the shot, just smiled at the brain.  But as Lana spoke, Simon’s face appeared in the upper left of the monitor, and he stuck out his tongue and waved his hands with the thumbs against either side of his head.

“No!” Mother Brain said in horror.  “You don’t understand!  I must have power!”  The lights in her lair began to flicker.  “I must!”  Her face contorted, her right eye wide open and her left shut, and her mouth wider than ever.  “I must!”  Her face contorted again, both eyes huge and open, her pupils tiny, her left eye a few inches above her right, and her mouth huge.  “I must!”  Exhausted, she took a weak look as the lights went out slowly and for good.  Metroid faded away to black nothingness.  “I must have power!!!”

“Well!  Looks like Mother Brain’s world is finally brain-dead!” Kevin said.

“We’ve done it!” Lana exclaimed happily.  “Videoland is free at last!”

Behind her, Simon and Duke both had their mouths gaping open in excitement, and Simon put his right hand on his head.  “No more mega monsters attacking in the night!” Mega Man said.

“No more battles to the maximus!” Kid Icarus said, holding up both arms.

“And, best of all,” Simon said, leaning back, “no more waking up early!”

“Oh, you did it, Kevin!” Lana said.  She threw her arms around Kevin, her right hand going to his left shoulder and her right going to the left side of his neck.  “You saved Videoland!  You’re the greatest Game Master in the universe.”  He smiled, and they might have kissed then and there, were it not for what happened next.

As they soared through space, they suddenly heard a strange sound and felt a quaking.  Kevin suddenly looked forward.  “What was that?” he asked.

As they approached an asteroid, they saw a blue light coming from it.  “It looks like some kind of warp,” Lana said.

As they came nearer, the warp became translucent, and a transparent hole opened in the middle.  But none thought of the fact that warps did not usually do that.  “I don’t believe it,” Kevin cried.  “That’s my neighborhood!”

“That mega blast must have opened up a warp back to your world!” Mega Man said.

Duke barked at his master and moved forward so his head was near the back of Kevin’s seat.  “That’s right, Duke,” Kevin said.  “We can go home!”

“Finally!” Simon said.  He got curious looks from the others.  He had to think of how to get out of this jam.  “Uh, I mean. . . you’ll finally be able to take a well-deserved rest!  Yes, that’s what I mean!”

Lana didn’t really like the sound of this.  She really liked Kevin, and somehow she didn’t want to be parted from him like this.  She put her hands on his right shoulder.  “Aw. . . do you have to go home, Kevin?” she asked.

“Don’t you see, Princess?” Kevin replied.  “It’s perfect timing.  I’ve accomplished what the Ultimate Warp Zone called me here to do.  I won the game!  Now, it’s opening up to let me go back.”  The thrill of ‘winning the game’ so overcame him that he couldn’t even think of his feelings for her at the moment.

“But. . . what about us?” Lana asked.

Simon popped up and put his right arm around her.  “Oh, he needn’t worry about us, Your Wonderfulness,” he said, full of ego.  “We’ll be fine without him!”  She shoved him back by pushing his face with her left hand.

Kevin landed the wagon just in front of the warp on the asteroid.  Kevin, Simon, and Kid Icarus got out.  Standing on the left door, Mega Man put his arms around Kevin at belly-height from behind and hugged him tightly.  “I’ll mega miss you, Captain N!” the robot said emotionally.

“I’ll miss you, too, Mega Man,” Kevin grunted.  Mega Man then put him back down.

Kid Icarus flew to Kevin and extended his right hand.  “You were the best Game Master anyone could ask for, Kevinicus,” Kid Icarus said as Kevin shook his hand.

“Thanks, Kid Icarus,” Kevin replied.  Simon stepped over to Kevin, and he seemed to be crying slightly.  Much as he hated to admit it, he really did like having Kevin around.  Kevin extended his right hand to the vampire hunter.  “Good-bye, Simon.  Thanks for all your help,” he said as Simon shook hands with him.

“Good-bye, Captain N,” Simon said sadly.  “Good luck.”  He moved his left hand up to his left eye and rubbed it gently.  “Oh.  Must’ve gotten some flower pollen in my eyes.”

Finally, Kevin turned to Lana.  Her long hair and the lower part of her dress were blowing to her right in the breeze that she was currently standing in, and Kevin knew he would probably remember that image of her for the rest of his life.  He stepped up to her and looked at her sadly.  “I’ll think of you every time I play my video games, Lana,” he told her softly.

Lana came to him and hugged him tightly.  “Good-bye, Kevin,” she said sadly.  They both wanted so much to be able to say more, to do more, but they both knew they didn’t have the time.

“Hurry, Captain N,” Mega Man warned as he now sat at the wheel in the wagon.  “The warp is starting to close!”

Kevin and Duke slowly stepped to the warp.  Kevin stopped just before he got to the threshold and turned around.  He undid the Power Pad belt and let it fall to the ground.  “Well, I guess I won’t be needing these anymore,” he said.  As he looked back at his friends, Kid Icarus was crying and waving good-bye with his left hand, Simon began waving with his left hand, and Lana, standing in between the two, put her hands together in front of her neck.  Yes, he would certainly miss these people.

Waving back to them, Kevin turned and continued to the warp.  Duke barked, “Good-bye!” just before he and his master entered it.

Once Kevin had gone through, Lana turned back to her friends.  “Well, what are you waiting for?” she asked.  She hopped into the seat beside Mega Man, and Simon and Kid Icarus returned to the back seat.  “Take us home, Mega Man.”

“Aye, aye, Your Highness,” Mega Man replied.  He lifted off and piloted the Warp Wagon back to the Palace.


Later, at the Palace of Power. . .

Lana and the other three N Team members were in the palace’s throne room.  Lana was on the throne, her right elbow against a pad to the right of her throne and her head resting on her right hand.  She was sadder than she could let these people know.  Meanwhile, Mega Man was sitting on the right side of the throne platform, and Simon was sitting on the left side.  Kid Icarus flew to a point above Lana.  “Well,” she said calmly, “I guess this would be a good time for all of us to take a well-deserved rest.”

Kid Icarus lowered himself to a point above the pad to the left of her throne.  “I could visit my family on Mount Icarus,” the small archer said.

“And I could tell my people on Megaland about our victory,” Mega Man said.

Simon got up and walked up to Her Highness.  “And we could spend a quiet week together at my lodge on Castlevania.”

Lana turned away from him and closed her eyes.  “Ah. . . no thanks, Simon,” she said.

Kid Icarus flew over to the warp to Mount Icarus and waved at Lana with his left hand.  “So long, Your Highnicus,” he said.  He then went through the warp.

Mega Man went to the warp to Megaland and waved at her with his left hand.  “See you soon!”  Then, he entered the warp.

Simon looked a little dejected.  “Are you sure we. . .”  But then she shook her head, and he knew he shouldn’t try to push her any further.  He walked over to the warp to Castlevania.  Turning, he gave a short wave with his right hand and then walked through the warp.

When they had all left, Lana sat up and merely shrugged to herself.  Now that she had the Palace to herself, she didn’t know what to do.


Meanwhile, Kevin and Duke were walking down a sidewalk in their neighborhood.  “What am I going to say to Mom and Dad about where I’ve been?” he asked his canine companion.  Duke merely gave a couple of whimpers in reply.  “Man, you’re right, Duke.”  He pointed towards his head with his left index finger and moved the hand in circles to mean, ‘crazy’.  “If I tell them the truth, they’ll think I’ve come unwrapped!”  Duke stopped off the sidewalk and went to a tree.  He emitted a questioning sound and then sniffed the tree.  Kevin crouched down next to him.  “What is it, boy?”  Duke scratched the tree with his left front foot, and not only was a metallic noise made, some coating came off the tree and revealed that it was metal!  “Metal tree!?”  Kevin stood.  “Something weird is going on here!”  He shrugged.  “We didn’t even change back to normal!”  He and his dog ran over to what appeared to be their house.  Kevin went to the front door, put his right hand on the door handle, and took his house key out of his left jeans pocket.  However, when he tried to insert the key into the lock on the door handle, it wouldn’t fit!  The lock on the door handle was too skinny for the key!  Kevin banged on the door.  “Mom!  Dad!” he called.  Suddenly, the door swung inwards, and he saw a metal room inside!  “It’s all fake!”

“Not all of it!” a deep female voice with a Southern accent said.

He knew that voice!  “Huh?” he asked as he turned left to the voice.  And there he saw it.  He had entered a hallway in Metroid, and there were Mother Brain, King Hippo, Eggplant Wizard, and Dr. Wily, all waiting for him!

“I am very real!” Mother Brain told him.

“Mother Brain!”

“Welcome home, Captain N!”  The evil brain laughed most heartlessly, and Kevin looked on in shock.


Once they had led him to Mother Brain’s inner sanctum, Kevin asked the question most on his mind.  “It was all a trick, wasn’t it, Mother Brain?”

“Of course!” she replied.  “Those flowers weren’t powerful!  King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard were just pretending.”

“Yeah!” Eggy laughed.  “Yeah.  Show him what great actors we are, King Hippo.”

King Hippo raised his left arm to the upper right and bent his right arm upward to a point in front of his chest.  “Romeo Brain, oh Romeo Brain,” the fool said, making silly hand gestures.  Eggy smiled to an imaginary audience.  “Wherefore art thou, Romeo Brain?”  He grinned, but one critic disliked his performance.  Not that it was that good, anyway.

“Shut up!” Mother Brain snapped.  She used her tentacle to yank his right leg and case him to fall on his back.

“Then you were running out of power!” Kevin cried.

“Are you kidding?” Mother Brain demanded.  “I’ve got enough Zeemer Tank Power Crystals to conquer Videoland ten times over!  And with you out of the way, that will be very easy!”  Kevin was now very angry, and it showed in every way.  In his stance, in his expression, in everything about him.  As Eggplant Wizard began to speak again, Kevin turned his head to him.

“Yeah,” Eggy said smugly.  “You’re not so tough without your Power Pad and Zapper!”  Kevin then turned his body and raised his right fist threateningly to the vegetable.  “Yaah!” the vegetable cried, grabbing onto King Hippo.

“Silence!” Mother Brain commanded, and the two morons turned to her.  “Captain N is in our home, and I always treat my guests with respect.  Before I destroy them!  Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee!”  She fired a zap from one electrode on top of her jar and struck the ground before Kevin and Duke.

“Hey!” Kevin cried as a blue circle began forming from that zap and grew to encircle him and Duke.  That turned the ground beneath them into a warp that dumped them into the dreaded passageways within Metroid.  They cried out as they fell through the warp.  They crashed in a corridor.  “Oh, great!  We’re in the center of Metroid!”  Duke looked ahead and yapped frantically.  A Rio was zipping towards them in attack!  Master and dog ducked, and the beast flew over them, but it growled and turned around for another pass.  After getting up, Kevin reached instinctively for his Zapper, but it wasn’t there.  “Uh, I won’t be needing my Zapper anymore,” he said, mocking himself.  “Way to go, Kev.”  He turned to his dog.  “Come on, Duke!  Let’s beat it!”  He and his dog ran from the Rio, and as they ran, the Rio was joined by a Skree.


As Captain N searches for a way out of the deadly Metroid world, the princess is about to face her own crisis.

It was nighttime at the Palace of Power.  Lana was leaning on the sill of an open window, gazing up at the heavens.  “Oh, it sure is a beautiful night,” she said.  “I wish I could share it with Kevin.”  Suddenly, she gasped in horror.  Before her eyes, the evil planet Metroid passed into view, and its apparent large size only meant that it was very near the Palace!  “It’s Metroid!  But. . . that’s impossible!  There’s no more power!”

From behind her, she heard a voice that she knew and hated, and when she heard it, she whirled around to it.  “On the contrary, Your Naïveness,” Mother Brain said as she and a group of steel-clad soldiers from Metroid warped into the room, “in a short while, I will have supreme power, as ruler of Videoland!”  Her soldiers advanced, and two grabbed Lana by the arms.

“What have you done with Captain N?” Lana demanded.  The two soldiers forced her onto her knees as Mother Brain came forward to her.

“Why, I warped him home, of course. . . to Metroid, sweet Metroid!”  She laughed despicably.  As the evil brain spoke, Lana could see the evil delight in her eyes, and it was horrifying.  “At this very moment, my armies are launching sneak attacks all across Videoland!”

Lana was attempting to struggle against the soldiers that were holding her, but she wasn’t strong enough to break their grip.  “You’ll never succeed, Mother Brain!”

“Are you kidding?  Without Captain N to help you, you haven’t got a chance!”  The hardness in Lana’s eyes vanished as she heard this.

Lana knew Mother Brain was right.  Without Kevin, Videoland was doomed.


Meanwhile, on Mount Icarus, the peace celebration is about to come to an unsuspected end.

At the temple on Mount Icarus, the Mount Icarans were celebrating, and they were tossing their hero, Kid Icarus, in the air and cheering.  “Hip hip, hooray!” they cried three or four times in succession.  They finally let Kid Icarus down and gathered around him.

Kid Icarus pretended to be happy, but his sadness showed through for a moment.  “This peace celebration just isn’t the same without Kevinicus to enjoy it with,” he said sadly.  He looked to his left, and suddenly, a warp opened in their midst.  Several mean-looking boxers warped in. . . headed by none other than King Hippo!

“I hereby conquer this world,” King Hippo said, “and rename it, ‘Mount Hippocus’!  Ha, ha!”

Kid Icarus flew up to King Hippo’s face.  “There must be some mistakeus,” the archer said angrily.  “Videoland is at peace!”

King Hippo grabbed Kid Icarus with his left hand.  “The mistake is yours, Kid Wimpicus!”  He flung the archer away with no trouble.

Then, the other boxers grabbed King Hippo and began tossing him up into the air!  “King Hip, hooray!” they cried several times as they tossed him.


And on Megaland, another peaceful scene is about to be shattered.

Mega Man was riding in on a flowered float in Megaland’s peace parade.  The float had a giant, lifeless model of him smiling, but as he sat and waved at the crowds, he did not feel the least bit like smiling.  “I wish Captain N could be here to see this mega parade,” he said dejectedly.  But suddenly, he saw a warp open in front of his float, and Dr. Wily came in with a few tall robots!

“Sorry to interrupt your party, mega jerks,” the evil scientist said, “but I’ve come to give my regards.  Not to mention orders!  Heh!  Grab them!”  His robots advanced.  One robot came forward and grabbed Mega Man without a fight.

“Hey!  Whaaaa!” Mega Man cried when the robot grabbed him.

“Not even Captain N can help you now,” Dr. Wily said.  “Ha, ha, ha!  Wheeze!  Ha, ha!  Wheeze!  Ha!”


Even on the dreary world of Castlevania, Mother Brain’s presence is about to be felt.

In front of the castle, Simon was on the greatest ego trip of his life.  He was being interviewed by a TV reporter.  “Tell us how it happened once again, Mr. Belmont,” the reporter said, and he held his microphone up in front of Simon.

“It was nothing, really,” Simon said, falsely bragging.  “I just single-handedly defeated Mother Brain and an army of fifty thousand troops with both hands tied behind my back.”  He put his hands behind his back and looked as if he were struggling, and the crowd cheered.  The camera people took this opportunity to photograph him again.  When he looked at the image of himself that the recording camera showed, he smiled, but then he realized that what he was doing was completely wrong.  His expression turned from happy to sad.  “No, I can’t lie anymore,” he said, finally telling the truth.  “That’s not the way it happened at all!”  He began crying, and he covered his eyes with his right hand.  “Captain N is the real hero; I’m just the big mouth.”  Suddenly, a tomato hit his mouth splattered all over him!  The crowd gasped and turned around, and there was Eggplant Wizard on the hill behind the castle.  He had a vegetable army with a broccoli, a radish, a carrot, and a kidney bean, and his vegetable wand was aimed directly at Simon.  The villainous veggies all laughed, and Simon grunted, trying to speak but unable to because the tomato had sealed his mouth shut.

“From now on, you’re all prisoners of Mother Brain!” Eggplant Wizard announced.  “Not to mention vegetarians.”  He shot a string of beans that surrounded Simon and imprisoned him.  Simon continued trying to speak, but he couldn’t.


Meanwhile, as Videoland succumbs to Mother Brain’s invasion. . .

In Metroid, Kevin and Duke hid behind a column as a Kraid and a blue Viola passed by on patrol.  “Boy.  What I wouldn’t give for a Zapper right now,” Kevin said.  He looked down to his pet.  “I’d even be happy with a squirt gun!”  He looked back to his left to watch Mother Brain’s troops pass, but suddenly, some dirt came crumbling down from the ceiling.  “Huh?” he asked, looking up.  He saw a Skree laughing and diving straight for him!  “Duke, run!”  He and his pet ran forward, and the Skree crashed headfirst and claws-first into the ground.  It pulled itself out and then flew after Kevin and Duke.  As he and Duke fled, Kevin noticed a light blue ball glowing with light in a pedestal.  He stopped and smiled.  He grabbed the ball and flung it back at the Skree.  The ball broke on the ground before the Skree and surrounded it with rainbow-colored energy.

Not long later, the Game Master found himself surrounded by six two-legged pink beasts with sharp teeth and wings tiny with respect to their bodies.  These beasts were larger and fatter than him.  He was trying to fight them off with a wooden bat, but that did not impress them.  Duke was some distance away, but he could see what was going on.  While yapping at the beasts, he noticed a small niche to his right that contained the High Jump Boots.  He flung these to his master, who dropped the bat, leapt into the shoes, and leapt out of the circle of monsters.  The monsters tried to charge, but their ugly faces only collided because he was no longer there.  As Kevin landed near him, Duke leapt into his arms.  Once he was holding Duke, Kevin leapt high through a pipe in the ceiling and landed on the floor above them, and they kept on moving.

Later, a Kraid used its prod to gently poke at Duke, who appeared to be dead.  Suddenly, Kevin lassoed the Kraid from behind, and Duke sat up as Kevin nabbed the Kraid’s gun.  Not long afterwards, Kevin encountered a big, round green creature that was blocking his path.  First, he froze it with an ice pellet from the gun, and then he blew it up with a few other types of ammo from the gun.  Finally, they came to an iron door blocking their passage forward.  Kevin banged on the door with his fists, and Duke noticed a grenade coming out of the wall to the right.  He grabbed it and took it over to Kevin.  Kevin then pulled the pin, set the grenade in front of the door, and ran out to the corridor intersecting this one and hid behind the wall.  When the bomb had exploded, Kevin turned and noticed a huge hole where the door had been.  He and Duke went through the door and found themselves in Mother Brain’s control room.

“We made it out, Duke!” Kevin said, excited.  “This is Mother Brain’s lair!”  However, looking around, they found that neither Mother Brain nor any of her lackeys were in here.  So, Kevin and his dog ran over to the navigation system and checked the battle plans that Mother Brain had carelessly left there.  “According to these battle plans, Mother Brain’s forces are attacking all over Videoland!”  He turned his head to his left and down to address his dog.  “But she made one fatal mistake, Duke.  She figured I’d never make it out alive, so she left Metroid undefended.”  He turned to his right and smiled deviously.  “And worse than that, she left the keys in the ignition!”  Duke whimpered questioningly, but Kevin was right.  Mother Brain had indeed left the copper key in Metroid’s ignition switch.  Attached to this key was a keychain that had a rabbit’s foot.  Unfortunately, that would prove very unlucky for Mother Brain.


Back at the Palace, Mother Brain has taken command of Videoland’s Seat of Power.

Outside in the courtyard, Eggplant Wizard blew on a long trumpet, making a disgusting sound.  “Oyez, oyez!” he proclaimed.  “All rise in the presence of Her Cerebral Highness, Queen Mother Brain!”

Mother Brain sat on a platform behind and above Eggy.  To her right and left, Dr. Wily and King Hippo respectively sat at desks below her but above the floor.  When Eggplant Wizard had commanded all to rise, Wily and Hippo arose.  There were two lines of Mother Brain’s soldiers, one standing to Eggy’s right and one to his left, so as to form some sort of corridor.

With her right tentacle, Mother Brain took hold of a gavel before her and banged it twice on top of the platform she was on.  “Bring the prisoners forward,” she commanded.  Two soldiers brought forth the prisoners. . . Kid Icarus, Princess Lana, Simon Belmont, and Mega Man.  Each one’s hands were in small wooden stocks that acted as especially uncomfortable handcuffs.  “As judge, jury, and executioner of Videoland,” the evil brain continued, “I charge you all with conspiracy to bring peace and freedom to everyone.  How do you plead?”

“Guilty, and proud of it,” Lana said with defiant confidence.  Simon looked at her as though she were nuts.

“That goes for me, too-icus,” Kid Icarus said similarly.

“I agree,” Mega Man said.

Simon looked around at his friends.  “Ah. . . me, too,” he agreed.

Mother Brain banged her gavel.  “Order in the court!” she commanded.

Of course, Eggplant Wizard had to be a dunce as usual.  “Uh,” he said, “I’ll have an eggplant sandwich, uh, hold the pickles.”  Suddenly, Mother Brain swung out her gavel and smashed it against the wall of her pedestal, and Eggy ducked.  “Okay, okay!  I’ll hold the pickles!”

“Will you shut up!?” Mother Brain demanded, about ready to toss him in jail for contempt of court.  She addressed the defendants.  “I hereby sentence you to banishment. . . into the Black Hole Warp Zone!!”  Everyone in earshot gasped.

“The Black Hole Warp Zone?” Lana cried in horror.  “Oh, but no one’s ever come out alive!”

“The gravity’s so great,” Mega Man said, eyes wide with terror, “we’ll be squished to no bigger than a grain of sand!”

Simon considered this.  “How dreadful!  None of my clothes will fit.”  The N Team looked up to Mother Brain for mercy, but the coldness in her expression indicated that she was dead serious about this.  Dead serious!  Suddenly, something snapped in Simon.  “No!  I’m too handsome to die!”  The guard behind him pushed him down to the ground with his circular weapon.

Suddenly, Mother Brain looked up to the sky.  “It can’t be!” she cried.  Suddenly, Metroid appeared in the sky above the courtyard!

“Hey there, everybody!” Kevin’s voice echoed over the courtyard.  Metroid stopped right over Mother Brain’s ‘prisoners’.  Everyone looked up and saw the dark planet.

From inside Mother Brain’s control room on Metroid, Kevin looked to his right from his post at navigation and saw Mother Brain’s surprised face in both of the monitors.  “Looks like I got here just in time,” he said to himself.

“But that’s my world!” Mother Brain exclaimed.  “He’s trespassing!”  She looked down at Eggplant Wizard and pointed up to Metroid with her left tentacle.  “Destroy him!”

King Hippo saluted.  “Whatever you say, my main brain.”

Eggplant Wizard got out a green and yellow weapon.  “I’ll nuke him with my Atomic Spud Gun!”  He walked over until he was beneath King Hippo, who dumped a couple of potatoes from a bag into the ammo chamber of Eggy’s gun.  Eggy aimed the gun at Metroid and pulled the trigger.  The gun acted like a rocket launcher, sending its ammunition up to Metroid, where the ammo exploded on the planet’s surface.  It caused a quake, and Kevin and Duke had to fight to stay standing.

Suddenly, up behind Eggplant Wizard, Mother Brain appeared to be in great pain.  Her three lackeys looked up at her in amazement.  “Ah!  Oof!  Stop that—ah!—you idiots!”  Her left eye closed once or twice as the pain wore off.  “Metroid is my nerve control center,” she told them.  “My brain waves are tuned to it.  Anything that happens to Metroid happens to me!”

Unfortunately, Kevin heard this.  “Thanks for the tip, Mother Brain!” he said into the radio transmitter.  “Now,” he added with a most sinister tone, “release the N Team and tell your armies to surrender.”  Behind him, Duke growled, his jowls ready to chew on a big bundle of circuitry.  “Or I’ll tell Duke to chew up the circuits that mentally connect you to Metroid!”

“Ha!  You’re just bluffing!” she replied.

“Show her we mean business, Duke!” Kevin said, turning back to his dog.

Duke squeezed the circuits in his teeth, and Mother Brain was soon in serious pain.  “Ah!  Ooh!  Ooh!  Ah!  Ooh!  Ah!  Ow!” she cried out in pain as her face gyrated every which way in her jar.  Dr. Wily and King Hippo were surprised and dismayed at this.  However, the movements of Mother Brain’s face seemed like a dance to the idiotic Eggplant Wizard.

“Hey!  I never knew you were such a good dancer, Mother Brain!” the foolish vegetable said, starting to dance.

Mother Brain didn’t know what irritated her more. . . Duke’s teeth or Eggplant Wizard’s stupidity.  “Knock it off, you worm-eaten vegetable!” she snapped.

While Mother Brain was distracted, Kevin grasped a lever with his left hand and fired Metroid’s lasers.  They hit the stocks holding his friends’ hands, and the stocks all came off.  Lana ran over to one of Mother Brain’s soldiers and grasped his staff.  “What do you say you and I do a little dancing of our own?” she suggested.  She yanked the staff out of his right hand and sent him spinning.  “Let’s go, N Team!”

As a row of five soldiers advanced, Mega Man leapt up and hit the first one in the chest with his left fist and set them all falling down.  Simon whistled, and his live whip flew off of one of the guards’ belts, and its handle landed in his right hand.  “Good boy!” he praised his whip, patting it with his left hand.  He turned and swung it, and he caught Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo, who were attempting to flee.

Kid Icarus retrieved his bow and arrows.  He held his bow in his right hand.  He took a suction cup arrow, pulled it back in the bow, and shot it at Dr. Wily, who was trying to get away.  The suction cup stuck to the left side of the scientist’s mostly bald head, but it didn’t stop there!  The shaft of the bow turned upwards, and the feathers of the bow turned into propellers that flew him away!  “Hey!” Wily cried.  “Put me down!”

Up in Metroid, Kevin was ready to return himself and Duke to the Palace.  “The autopilot is set to take this crate back where it belongs.  Get ready to warp out of here, Duke!”  Duke barked and ran just as Kevin pressed a button.  Kevin and Duke ran to a warp that opened in the floor just outside of the control room, and they stopped just in front of it.  “Stay close, fella!”  After a second, they leapt into the warp.

Down at the Palace the N Team had gotten Mother Brain and her three lackeys all into a small area.  Suddenly, a warp opened underneath the four villains, and they fell screaming into it.  Once they were back on Metroid, the planet returned to its appointed place in space.  Meanwhile, Kevin and Duke came up out of the warp, and everyone cheered.  Kid Icarus flew over to Kevin and Duke, and Mega Man ran over.  “Hooray-icus!” Kid Icarus cried.

Mega Man bounced Kevin repeatedly into the air.  “Captain N did it again!” the android said happily as Lana and Simon approached.

“Okay, okay!” Kevin said.  “You’re welcome!  Put me down, please!”  Kevin landed on his feet in front of Lana.

“I didn’t think I was ever going to see you again!” Lana said to Kevin.

“Well!” Simon said with crossed arms.  Lana looked back at him for a moment, then turned back to Kevin.

She put her left hand over her mouth.  “I’m sorry you weren’t able to go home, Kevin,” she said.

Kevin smiled at her, and she could tell there was more in this smile than mere friendliness.  “Yeah, well. . . in a way, I’m kind of glad I have a reason to stay in Videoland,” he replied.

She smiled back at him.  “So am I,” she said.  He closed his eyes and bent a little closer to her, expecting her to kiss him on the cheek.  And she was about to, but she suddenly thought of something before her lips made it there.  “Oh!  Hmm, hmm!  I almost forgot something,” she said, turning around.  Kevin looked a little sad when he opened his eyes, but when he saw what she was getting, he was happy again.  She knelt to the ground and picked up his Power Pad and Zapper belt, and when she stood she presented it to him.  “Remember this?”  He lifted his arms as she put the belt around his waist for him.

“Boy, there’s no denyin’ it,” he said.  “Life just isn’t as cool without my Power Pad and Zapper.”  He did a backflip.  In the middle of this, he pulled out his Zapper, and when he landed, he aimed it directly in front of him and shot off a blast.  Yes, he was definitely happy to have his Power Pad and Zapper back!